Abandoned
by samantha kiely
Summary: What would have happened if Edward didn't come back to Bella? Would she fall for Jacob? Would she move on? Want to know... All shall be resolved in time...
1. Abandoned

**Author note:**

**Hay thanks for coming to read my story! This is my first fanfic so review and criticism would be very helpful!**

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Bella POV...

"Come on a walk with me..." Edward said unemotionally, he turned his back to me. He didn't wait for me to answer, to protest. This was bad, no. Let me rephrase that, this was very, very bad. Every part of my body screamed that something terrible was about to happen. We had only taken a few steps in the forest behind my house when he turned and looked at me with those dark hollow eyes. Some walk. Then he said it.

"Bella, we're leaving..."

"Why now, another year..."

"How long did you think we could stay in forks, Carlisle can't pass for thirty three now, people are going to start to notice that he isn't aging."

"That's okay I just need an excuse to tell Charlie" I looked at Edward he stared back coldly. I realised I had misunderstood. "When you say we..."

"I mean my family and myself..." he said each word separate to make sure I caught on.

The panic started to set in, my head was whirling, I felt dizzy, how was I supposed to live without him, he was my life, why couldn't he see that.

"Edward I'm coming with you! Wherever you go, I go" I say determined.

"No! Where we're going it isn't right for you"

"Wherever you are is right for me!"

"My world isn't right for you all your going to do is get yourself hurt!"

He walked over to a nearby tree and leaned on it his perfect chiselled face twisting into a look of guilt "What happened with Jasper can never happen again.."

"Edward it won't.." I rush as if I can't get it out quick enough

"How could you possibly know that...with us it only takes one paper cut ,one drop of blood and your life is in danger. You wouldn't need to watch yourself with your other friends. Whenever you are around me, you are in constant danger." He looks at me dead in the face with those cold eyes .

"You promised to stay here! With me!" I said desperately.

"As long as it was good for you!"

I shout at him "Is this about my soul Edward because it's yours already I don't want it if I can't be with you"

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me!" He says coldly and forcefully, looking at me to make sure I understand him. I was confused didn't he love me.

"You don't want me?" Confused by the way the words sounded together.

"No." He stared at me with no apology present in his eyes. They were Topaz , yes but they were no longer the molten liquid eyes I could melt into, they were now cold, distant, and when I looked into them they seemed to go on forever as dark and endless frozen depths.

I couldn't breathe. "Please don't...D...Don't go... please" Tears began to well up in my eyes making it hard to see. I blinked them away, trying to stay strong.

I looked into those dark eyes trying to see if he had truly made up his mind. He had. His eyes showed no evidence of backing out. My heart throbbed violently. My whole body feeling numb.

"I would like to ask one favour of you though" his eyes turning the soft molten topaz I had missed for days.

"Anything" I whispered.

"Please don't do anything stupid, or reckless" He ordered "Do you understand?"

I nodded, I didn't trust my voice. I would probably start sobbing right in front of him.

"For Charlie's sake, your all he has left." His eyes turned once again into the distant hard topaz eyes I feel haunted by.

"I will.." I whisper.

He seems to visibly relax at my words. But then he stiffens as the words come out of his mouth.

"I'll make you a promise in return, I won't come back, you won't see me again, I won't interfere with your life. I won't put you in danger anymore. It will be as if I never existed"

I must've have started shaking because the tree's seemed to be moving.

He smiles gently at me "Don't worry, your human give it time and you'll forget that all of this ever happened."

Didn't he understand that I couldn't forget he was my life now without him I'm nothing.

He takes a step away from me "I promise we won't disturb you again"

"Alice is gone?" I say my voice choking because of the emotions I'm feeling.

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her not to... it would be better if it was just me"

I'm so dizzy, it's hard to concentrate. So many things to absorb. The words bounce around my head but not really sinking in. I try to concentrate n my breathing, that's right in and out and in and out.

"Goodbye Bella" He says in a quiet voice.

NO. No ,no, no, no, no. This can't be happening, he can't leave me , he can't!

"Wait!" I manage to choke out. I reach for him but he grabs my wrists and pulls me closer. His lips touch my forehead for just a second and then he releases me.

"Take care of yourself, remember the promise" he breathes and then he is gone.

The leaves and tree's give no evidence that he ever existed, no footprints, no leaves out of place. He's gone. I repeat it to myself over and over.

I ignore my shaky legs and go after him. I walk and blunder through the trees. Nothing look's familiar. I scream out his name every so often it tears my heart even more. I trip over many logs, sticks and sometimes my own feet. My reason to live was gone he had left and he had shattered my heart. I couldn't tell how much time had passed. I finally tripped over a big log and I just stayed down and turned over and looked at the trees canopy. It was dark. Pitch black. It seemed only a minute ago hat Ed...Edw... _HE_ had left me. I grabbed my sides as memories attacked me. Tears threaten to fall but since I'm alone I let them. I curl up into a ball as if trying to hold myself together I sob for god knows how long. I looked back up at the sky. Pitch black. I would've thought that there would have been at least the moon rays to shine though holes in the canopy, but tonight the moon was not there. I shivered, the air is cold. My teeth chatter as I try to warm myself. Ed... _HE _never felt the cold, so this would feel like nothing to him. Sobs rattle my body again. I heard someone shout my name, I should answer but what's the point without _HIM _there seems no point to do anything anymore. It was black for a long time and I finally found myself falling asleep. A while later the rain woke me up, it was light rain but it was still rain. I heard the calling again. I tried to breathe so that when I answered I at least sounded a bit normal. But as soon as I had let the breath out I heard a snuffling noise, surely there were no wild animals out here... I should let it eat for not bring good enough for _HIM_, poetic justice I think bitterly. The snuffling noise goes away, and I am left once again with only the rain as comfort. I saw a light approaching, I should be scared, but I'm not. The light presents itself through the bush as a lantern.

"Bella" an unfamiliar voice says. "Bella, my name is Sam Uley" It doesn't ring any bells. "Charlie sent me to look for you"

Charlie! The promise! My heart gives a violent throb.

Sam cradles me in his arms, I hang there limp. His long strong strides get us out of the forest n no time but I am surprised how far I managed to get into the forest.

"I found her!" He booms. I hear people murmuring things but the only voice I can make sense of at the moment is Sam's. "No I don't think she's hurt, She keeps repeating he's gone"

I bite my lip, did I say that?

"Bella, Honey?" a voice sounds

"Charlie?" I ask in a weak voice.

I feel myself being transferred to my dad's hold, he struggles a bit under my weight.

"Maybe I should hold her" Sam suggests

"No, I got her" Charlie manages to get out.

I feel myself being out into the car, I want to say sorry for worrying him but I can't find my voice.

"We're home honey"

I felt myself being put onto the couch "Charlie" I whisper in protest but he doesn't hear me.

"Blankets are on the top shelf" he says to Sam.

Sam lays the Quilt on top of me I grab the edge of the quilt and pull it closer to my skin and damp clothes.

"Bella?" A new voice sounds

"doc?" I ask

"Yes, are you hurt?" his voice full of concern.

"No..." I lie, my heart feels as though someone has stabbed me with a thousand knives.

"hmmmm..."he looks at me "Are you tired?"

I nod, and close my eyes.

The doc turns to Charlie "Just exhaustion, I'll be back tomorrow to check on her."

Charlie looks at the doc" Thank you and is it true , did they leave?" I didn't need to ask to know who they were referring to.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen said it was very short notice and it was an offer he couldn't refuse, he told me not to make a big deal out of it."

"A little notice would've been nice." Charlie huffs

I drift in and out of consciousness. I hear Charlie whisper thanks and goodbye to each volunteer as they leave. The phone rang a few times Charlie ran across the room to try to catch it before it woke me , Charlie usually answered with " Yes we found her, she got lost in the woods, she fine"

I heard the squealing of springs as Charlie settled himself into a chair. I look up to him.

"Did Edward leave you in the woods?" He asks with a clear undertone of anger.

"How did you know where to find me?" me voice sounded dead, it scared me.

"You left a note" He pulled a note out of his jeans, it had many creases to show it had been folded and unfolded many times. The messy writing close to mine but I knew who had really written it. It said 'Going for a walk with Edward be back in a little while –B'

"When you didn't come back I rang the Cullen's but I didn't get an answer so I rang the hospital but dr. Gerald said he had left, did they tell you where they were going?"

I shook my head.

"I want to know if Edward left you alone in the woods" he says forcefully.

I shook my head "He left me where the trail was , it was my fault I tried to follow him and I got lost" just thinking of him tore at my chest. "Dad, I can't talk about this anymore, I want to go to my room."

Before he could answer I was off the couch and up the stairs into my room. I saw the scrapbook I got for my birthday, I walked up to it and flipped to the page where I had a picture of Ed..._HIM_ it was gone the only sign that it was there was the writing scrawled at the bottom of the page 'Edward 13 Sept' it said.

I felt the floor connect with my knees, my hands, my cheek. I let the pain take over me like a wave it consumed me, I did not resurface. The pain took me through many memories many more painful than others as it reminded I wasn't good enough for the creature that was Edward. The last memory that consumed me was him standing in the forest looking as handsome as ever then the words I had been fearing.

"I don't want you..."

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**Author note:**

**Thanks for reading my first chapter i assure you it won't be the last! :D**

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	2. Crushed

**Authors note:**

**2****nd**** chapter yay! And in one day who is amazing this author! Hehehehe! Nah I just had nothing ****to do ... :D enjoy**

**Thanx to siriuslyamazingmagic**** my first reviewer!**

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Bella POV

I woke up screaming, I had, had the nightmare again. I was running in the forest frantically looking for something I didn't know what it was but I stumbled through the forest I started crying then it all went black as I remembered. The something I was looking for Edward and he was gone never to come back again. I sat up and tried to catch my breath which at this moment seemed impossible. In that same moment Charlie burst into the room looking worried, he saw me drenched in sweat and sighs. It has been 6 weeks since _they_ left. And let's just say I haven't found a way to cope yet.

"I just had a nightmare, I'm okay" I croaked still in shock from the nightmare.

I lay back down on the bed, hoping Charlie would go, But instead of going as he usually would he sat on the side of my bed and started stroking my hair. It must be from the recent events that he thinks I'm going to disappear. I pretend to fall asleep hoping that Charlie will leave, "Oh dear Bella What am I going to do with you?" he sounds so tired and worn out he then yawns and trudges out the door. I hear the creaks of the floorboards and the squeals of the springs of his bed as he lies down. It is only when I hear his snores do I get up to my computer. I sit down at the Computer open my emails and start typing quietly.

'Alice, were and why did you go? I am okay Please message me back I need you -Bella'

This has been the hundredth message I've sent, I know I will never receive a message back as when she left she changed her email, whenever I sent her a message I get one back saying that this email address doesn't exist. But it is still better than getting no reply at all.

Alice other than _Him_ is the one I miss the most, she was like a sister to me. It makes me sad knowing that I will never see her again.

I sigh and look at my bookshelf and I see the book that I bought when I discovered what Ed... _He_ truly was.

My heart throbs, memories tended to rip the hole in my chest deeper. I pick up the book and I put it in my desk drawer, the fewer things there are to remind me of _Him_ the better. Because just he said I'm just a human and my memory I just like a sieve, but I don't think I'll ever forget_ Him_. He was a too bigger part of my life to lose. He is just too important.

I look at the clock. 4. I decide it's a good enough time to get up but truthfully I am scared to go back to sleep just encase I have to repeat my nightmare. I pass by the mirror when something catches my eye. I look at myself. I look dreadful. My skin is pale yet not as pale as Ed... _His_. I have big bags under my eyes. I go downstairs and start to cook bacon and eggs. I eat mine without tasting it. I place Charlie's on the table covered with glad wrap. It's now 5. I look around trying to see something to do, I finished my homework last night, I vacuumed yesterday, dusted the day before. I decide that I'll rearrange everything in the pantry. I open the cupboard and start cleaning. By the time I finish cleaning the cupboards it's 6.

It's been like this ever since Edwa... _He _left I've been trying to find things that will distract me yet nothing does everything seems to have memory that has been lodged into my brain. I do all my homework when I get home, I do my chores before the time they need to be finished, I cook difficult dinners so I have to focus more and have less time to think about _Him_. I barely talk to anyone anymore at school, I think Angela still likes me but Jessica is quite upset with me. Mike has given up on me , I guess he thinks I'm a lost cause, I laugh bitterly .Eric is the same and Tyler is the same old Tyler. At lunch time I generally just sit there eat and stare off into space. I don't smile anymore, I mean I smile but none are genuine.

I hear Charlie's heavy footsteps coming down the stairs I go over into the kitchen to pour his coffee. I place it in front of him.

Charlie sighs clearly frustrated "Okay this is it Bella! Go out and have some fun! All you do is stay at home! Go out with Jessica and Angela or go and hang out with Jake!"

This comes as a surprise to me as parents would normally be telling their teens to stay home for a bit and send some time with them, I guess he has gotten sick of me hanging about him.

"Okay" I say "I'll ask Jessica if she wants to go to a movie or something"

"good" Charlie says clearly pleased that I'm going to do something other than sulking in my room at home. Charlie then starts to eat.

I say good bye to Charlie and get into my truck. How was I going to ask Jessica we haven't spoken in five weeks. Well I hope this goes okay.

I pull into school and park, I look to an empty car space which used to hold a silver Volvo. Pain, heart throbbing. Stop thinking like that! I scold myself. Biology was hard to handle as that was the first class that we meet. But the other classes went fine. The first two periods whizzed by when you actually listen to boring teachers drone on about boring subjects. When it came to lunch I was all of a sudden very nervous. I walked into the cafeteria and saw Jessica, Angela, Mike, Eric, Tyler all sitting at a table I nervously walked over to them.

"Hey" I say. Angela looks up to me and smiles brightly.

"hey Bella, sit down!" she smiles enthusiastically

"Hey, she back!" Mike jokes ,everyone laughs, I found that I had actually missed them. They seemed to accept me back except Jessica still seemed to be a bit snobby to me. I think she doesn't like me because while she tried to get mike's attention he liked me at first sight not that I was or am interested.

Angela leans towards me and whispers "I missed you"

"I missed you too" I say honestly.

Mike , Eric and Tyler all joked while Jessica and Angela laughed and teased them. I smiled of course but never genuinely, I couldn't seem to smile just yet. I found out that Jessica and Mike were now together and so was Eric and Angela it was nice to see them so happy.

"Hey Jessica why doesn't Bella come with us shopping in Port Angeles tomorrow?" Angela asks

Jessica's head snap up first a look of annoyance appears but then it quickly disappears as she says "sure why not?"

I finally felt that the old me was coming back to life, Lunchtime was one of the best times I've had since _He_ left. And it really does feel good to have friends that are there for you.

Charlie POV

I woke up with the sound of Bella screaming, is she being attacked, is she hurt I rush down the hallway to see Bella sitting up in her bed. She's breathing really heavily and she is drenched in sweat but I also catch that she has been crying this can only mean one thing she has had yet another nightmare.

She is truly starting to scare me, she has become like a shell of her former self, ever since that bastard Edward left she has been a wreck. She has been having nightmares ever since he left. He left her in the woods by herself! I can only hope that this is a stage I hope that this will pass. She doesn't go out anymore, she stays home and watches the games with me, it's not that I don't want her there I do, it just that she doesn't really watch she stares into space and that's what scares me the most. I can never tell what she's thinks but I slip up every now and then and accidently remind her of him, her face falls and she holds her knee's to her chest and looks like she's about to cry. I walk out of her room I am absolutely shattered. I walk back to bed. I hope she gets better and if he does come back I'm going to have to get Bella to keep me from blowing his head off with my gun. Now that I think of it , the thought seems most pleasant. I lie there letting sleep wash over me.

I wake up for a second time this morning to hear rummaging downstairs and considering I hear that I know that she hasn't been back to bed. I sigh. I know that by the time I sit down she will have breakfast and coffee in front of me. This may not sound like a bad thing but it means that she has had time to, time that should be spent recovering, the longer she stays in this house the longer it's going to take for her to recover. I decided that I would make her go and see her friends just to push her in the right direction.

I walk down stairs and hear her walk into the kitchen and pour my coffee. I sit down at the table and see bacon and eggs, Bella places my coffee next to me she smiles though I know it is not real. I sigh frustrated with her. "Okay this is it Bella! Go out and have some fun! All you do is stay at home! Go out with Jessica and Angela or go and hang out with Jake!"

She looks at me surprised "Okay" Bella says a bit unsure "I'll ask Jessica if she wants to go to a movie or something"

"good" I say, I am pleased that she will finally go out and start to socialise with her friends she might even be able to forget about Edward. She Says goodbye to me and I hear her walk out the door I smile to myself my Bella is slowly starting to emerge. She slams her truck door and the bang of the engine startles me, a year with the truck and I'm still not used to it. She drives away leaving me alone to ponder.

I walk up to her room, everything is clean and tidy, nothing out of place. Ever since Edward left she hasn't listened to any music, I guess he was a big fan and it reminds her of him. At least she removed the things that remind her, when Renée left me I left the pictures of us up until a couple of years ago. I walk up to desk and see her scrapbook open to a page, it is empty but in silver writing a simple 'Edward Sept' she must've taken it out. Her room was quite bare. The only things that were on her desk were her text books , computer and the scrapbook.

I hope that she will come back to me as I miss her laugh she hasn't had any real fun since he left, when he left he took her heart , stood on it and blew the pieces. Leaving her shattered and broken just as I was when Renée left me.

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**Authors note: hope you liked it but don't worry the super juicy stuff is coming up ... and guess who she meets up with next?**

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	3. Sunshine

**Authors note: **

**Hae guys third chapter yay! Hehehhe!**

**Thanx to ****Lovelydoll91**** for being the second person reviewing my story it means a lot.**

**Soz I havn't updated in a week but I have had assessments!**

**Anyway here is the chapter! **

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Bella POV

Jessica, Angela and I are on our way to Port Angeles, blasting the radio as loud as it can go to drown out our tragic singing voices. It surprised me I have never done this even before _Him_ and I actually found this fun. After the hundredth song we finally reached the shops. Jessica dragged us into a shop called forever new it was filled with florally, lacy and patterned shirts, skirts and pants. Generally these are the kinds of shops I would avoid but today I was in a particularly good mood. Jessica and Angela already had arms full of clothes I went and looked around and found that there were things here I liked, I grabbed them and walked over to Jessica, she saw my items and put a pair of flats in my hands, then in turn dragged me to the changing rooms. Jessica went into the changing rooms while Angela took a seat next to me.

She turns to me "You know we really care about you" She then wraps her arms around my shoulders and pulls me into a hug.

"Ehhm!" Jessica stands by the door in a fabulous lace top that shows quite a bit of her cleavage and wears the tightest jeans you have ever seen, she looked beautiful. Not as beautiful as some other people I know. A sharp jab of pain tears at the hole.

"WOW jess you look gorgeous!" Angela squeals pulling me out of my gloom.

"She's right you look amazing" I say smiling at her.

Truly pleased with our comments she admires herself in the mirror gleefully. Jessica trys on a few more outfit while admiring herself in the mirror but none seemed to match the first one as she said. Angela gets up and walks to the dressing room as soon as she closes the door Jessica looks straight at me in a piercing stare it was nothing compared to the stares Rosalie could do. Stab.

"I can see that your back but if you try and steal mike from me you will not live to see the next sunrise." Angela has the best timing at just that moment she comes out from the dressing room; Jessica plasters a smile on her face and straightens up.

"taadaa" Angela shyly twirls around so we can see her entire outfit, she wears a flowery skirt that reaches her knees and a light yellow cardigan with a lacy top underneath.

"Wow, you look so pretty!" Jessica giggles as if nothing just happened; I shake the conversation I just had away as if it were just a bad case of the Goosebumps.

"You look gorgeous" I honestly say, she looks great! Angela giggles pushing a stray strand of hair of her face.

"Your turn!" She laughs as she pulls me of the seat and pushes me into the dressing room. I sigh and put on the clothes I have chosen. I breathe out, and smile as I walk out of the changing room, I give and experimental twirl and laugh. What's up with me I never twirl maybe it's the fresh air that's doing this to me.

Angela gasps "You look great, wonderful, superb!" she lets out a giggle, Jessica looks at Angela with a look of jealousy on her face but she quickly hides it.

"You sure do!" Jessica giggles. I turn and look in the mirror I gasp, they are right! The jeans I'm wearing are tight light blue with silver leaf patterns coming up from the legs; I wear a simple but lacy blue/green top and the flats Jessica got me are a blue that matches the top. I smile genuinely. One of my very few rare smiles. Angela jumps up and hugs me.

"Oh, Bella you have to get it!" I nod, I really like this outfit.

We go up to the cashier and buy the outfits, Jessica and Angela got hungry so we went to a cafe to get lunch. While we were there Jessica says something I've been dreading.

"So where did Edward go?" Stab, stab, stab. This pain was more violent than the others maybe it was because she used _his_ name.

"I... d...don't know..." I stutter trying to get the words out quickly.

"oh come on you guys were so close he must've told you!" she smiles.

"I don't know" I say honestly "He didn't tell me" I murmur the last bit as the pain nearly consumes me.

"oh, I'm sorry" she says her face for once looks genuine, she actually looks sorry for me.

"It's okay you didn't... know" I smile at her, she smiles back. I think for the first time in a while she has started to let me back.

After lunch I told them that shopping has got me quite tired they smile, we say our goodbyes and I tell them ill see them tomorrow. I wave to them as I hop into my truck; I just start driving thinking about today, letting the conversation with Jessica seep in. _He_ never did tell me where they were going... didn't he trust me enough... care for me... love me at all...

I start to cry, tears start to blind my vision. I pull over to the side of the road; I sob and curl into a ball trying to hold myself together. It took me a while to compose myself. When I did I drove back home, Charlie's cruiser isn't in the driveway. Good. I needed to sort myself out before he comes home. I grab my shopping bags and go into the house. I go climb the stairs my feet slightly dragging shopping and the pain have taken a lot out of me today. I plop myself onto my bed and fall into a deep sleep.

I woke up with a scream. My scream. I knew what had happened, another nightmare of _him_. I curl into a ball. I hear the shuffling of feet below me so I know Charlie's home. I slowly let go off my iron grip of the duvet and get up. I look at the clock it is 6 o'clock. I go down to the kitchen and start cooking dinner.

"Charlie dinner's ready" I call half an hour later. He sits down at the table and smiles at me.

"How was your day honey?" he smiles again.

"I t was great I had a lot of fun, we went shopping"

"Wait shopping, you never go shopping" Charlie laughs

"I had a great time I even bought some clothes" I giggle

"Well I'm glad you had a good time" he pauses "maybe tomorrow you should go down and see Jacob, I hear that he misses you"

"Yeah, I will... I haven't seen him in a while" maybe we would have fun as well.

It was 10 o'clock when I headed out to Jacob's house; the sun beat down on my skin as I drove. As I drove a rid house came into view it almost looks like a barn. The truck putters down the road and as I pull up his driveway he stands there smiling like a bright sun as if he knew I was coming. His long silky black hair resting on his shoulders, he has really filled in. You could still tell he is quite muscular even with a t-shirt on. He stands the leaning against the house with his arms folded across his chest. I hop out of the truck.

"Bella!" he says gleefully and pulls me into a massive bear hug "Long time no see!"

"Yeah, how'd you know I was coming?" I ask

"I didn't" he shrugs "I heard it when you were up the road, do you want me to take a look at it?" Jake laughs.

"No, what's wrong with it?" I say defending my perfect truck. Jake just laughs at me.

"What are you here for?" He asks smiling.

"I want to spend some time with you" I smile back genuinely too it's hard not to, when he smiles its contagious.

"What do you want to do?" he asks

"Um... I don't know, what do you normally do?"

"Uh, I have a project I'm working on" he smiles right at me "I'm restoring a rabbit"

"Why not I can watch and talk to you while you work" I smile as he leads me into the garage, I walk in and see the rabbit "oh Jake it's beautiful" the car is sleek black and the type of old cars that I love. He just laughs at me and shakes his head.

"She's not done Bells" a small laugh escapes my lips

"I know that!"I smile and slap his arm playfully, it's hot "wow, Jake your hot!"

He laughs " in more ways than one!" I blush a deep red.

He gets to work on the engine which is placed on the table, I sit inside the door of the rabbit. He works with such ease that it makes me question his age.

"Jake how old are you? To be honest I can't remember" I blush slightly

"How old do you think I am?" he smirks

"Well, you look 17, but you have skills that you would have to be older to have, like 20, 21 somewhere round there. But Jake I know that you are younger than me"

" Well I am 16, but technically if we are going by skills age I'm 21 is that right"

"I guess so" I laugh

"So how old are you " he smirks teasing me "50?"

"No! 17 but since we are going by skills I can cook pretty well which makes me...what do you think Jake?"

"20!"

"But then you are technically older than me!"

"well I do have the looks brains and skills!" after this joke we burst into laughter, so hard that in fact I found my stomach starting to hurt. The rest of the day went like a breeze, the hole _he_ had left seemed to heal while I was with Jacob and I was enjoying it every second. We were discussing how old we were in terms of skills when we heard a bunch of laughter from outside. Then two teenage guys, both with the russet skin tone like Jake and with long black hair like Jake.

"Hey guys!" Jake says "hey, um, guys this is Bella, bells this is Embry"

He points at the taller one and more muscular one "And this is ..." pointing to the shorter one but before he could finish his sentence the guy who Jake points to says

"I'm Quil, Quil Ateara, Jake has told us a lot about you, and by a lot I mean aaaallot!" winking at me

"Okay Quil that's enough" he says sort of embarrassed.

"You should hear what he says..." but he didn't get to finish his sentence because Jake was tackling him to the ground"

I let out a small gasp but Embry walks up to me laughing" don't worry they're just kidding around"

We sat around joking and laughing for a while, but then Embry said that him and Quil had to go.

"Nice to meet you" I say as they leave, they wave goodbye and drive off.

"Um... sorry if they overwhelmed you.." Jake scratches the back of his head.

I laugh " No they are great, very funny"

"I'm glad you like them" he smiles and I smile back.

"Jake I've had so much fun today, would it be okay if I come and see you tomorrow?" I ask not sure whether I'm being a bother, because obviously he has other friends to hang out with.

"Yes! Me too I've enjoyed today as well" he smiles gets bigger if that's even humanly possible.

"Jake, I better get going it's getting late and Charlie will be getting hungry"

"Okay but you will come tomorrow right?" he asks

"Of course, wouldn't miss it" I smile again. He walks me to my truck and opens the door for me, I get in and he shuts the door then he peers through the window.

"Goodbye" he breathes

"Bye Jake" I breathe back

I put the car into gear and the usual bang noise comes out of nowhere and I see Jake jump a bit. Just the sight of him being scared is enough to make me laugh. I pull away still laughing at the sheepish Jake. But on the way home the more the effects of Jake warm fuzziness wears off and I can feel the hole. It is as bad as it has ever been, perhaps this is because I'm feeling the contrast between pain and warmth again it just hurts more. Like a withdrawal from a drug.

I know that tonight is going to be one of the worst nights since _Him_.

****

**Authors note:**

**HEhehehheheh! I love being evil!**

**Mooahahahahaah! Now review or ill kill jake! **

**Nah just kidding!**

**But seriously review!**

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	4. Fuzziness

**Authors note: **

**Hehehehe 4****th**** chapter!**

**So I'm very sorry it took a while but here is the 4****th**** chapter! Hope you like it! XD**

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_Last Chapter_

"_Okay but you will come tomorrow right?" he asks_

"_Of course, wouldn't miss it" I smile again. He walks me to my truck and opens the door for me, I get in and he shuts the door then he peers through the window._

"_Goodbye" he breathes _

"_Bye Jake" I breathe back_

_I put the car into gear and the usual bang noise comes out of nowhere and I see Jake jump a bit. Just the sight of him being scared is enough to make me laugh. I pull away still laughing at the sheepish Jake. But on the way home the more the effects of Jake warm fuzziness wears off and I can feel the hole. It is as bad as it has ever been, perhaps this is because I'm feeling the contrast between pain and warmth again it just hurts more. Like a withdrawal from a drug. _

_I know that tonight is going to be one of the worst nights since Him._

****

Bella POV

Tonight the nightmare changes, as always I start running through the forest crying and screaming out, but then it changes sunshine appears through the tree's but as quick as it came it disappears leaving the woods darker and more alone than ever. I shake awake in a cold sweat. My eyes open disorientated; the sun shining in through the curtains hit my eyes making me shelter them with my arm. I look at the clock its 7 o'clock. The first good night sleep since _he _left. I smile, perhaps I'm getting better.

I get out of my sticky covers, pulling off me as they stick to my skin. I have a nice warm shower, get changed brush my hair and walk down to the kitchen. Charlie's in the kitchen trying to get some burnt toast out of the toaster with a fork.

"Blasted toaster!" Charlie yells banging the fork down on the table. I giggle. Charlie turns around to see me and smiles "how'd you sleep kiddo?"

"Actually I had quite a good sleep" I smile "hey dad since it's the last day of the weekend can I go to..."

"To see Jake?" Charlie interrupts with a big grin

"Yeah how'd you know?"

"He heals you" Charlie walks over to me and embraces me in a tight hug "and sure, I'm going fishing do you think you'll be alright"

"'I'll manage" I tease

Charlie leaves after I bake him a proper breakfast. A while after I hear his engine die away realisation hits me, I am alone. The hole in my chest starts to make itself known. I gasp as the pain returns. I grab the keys knowing there is only one person who can take the pain away. Jake, my sun.

I reach the little red house and see Jake bounding out of the garage, laughing I pull up the drive way.

"Hey!" Jake exclaims as he opens the door "You came!" I jump out of the truck.

"Of course I did" He grabs me and pulls me into one of his signature bear hugs. "Jake... Can't... Breathe!"

"Hahaha oh right sorry bells" He put me down laughing "So shall we begin" Holding out his arm.

I take it "we shall!" I say laughing

I sit in the seat of the rabbit watching Jake go under the car on one of those roller thingies. We chat, talk and joke for a while, the entire time the whole is replaced with a fuzzy warm feeling, like the feeling you get when the sun is shining on you.

Jake rolls out from the car and sits up, he wipes away a smear of grease on his forehead. He gets up and leans over me to turn on the radio, but I quickly grab his hand he looks at me quizzically.

"Um... I just want to talk with you" I lie. He raises one eyebrow.

"Bells, what is the real reason?"He asks

I flinch as a flash of pain shoots through the hole. Jake face twists into an emotion I can't quite make out.

"Oh..." he whispers "It's because of him isn't it?"His hand rests on my shoulder, the hole edges once again turn to soft and mushy because of the fuzziness I am getting form Jake. I nod unable to speak.

"How could... you tell?" I whisper

"Bells I notice a lot of things about you" his hand caresses my face and he looks into my eyes, his chocolate brown eyes holding the emotion of which I used to share with soft liquid topaz eyes. I expect a throb of pain but it never comes. I can feel my eyes start to fall but I still look at Jake with a weak smile. In one swift motion he wipes away the fallen tears. Then he tucks away a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. He leans forward I do not stop him, his face is less than an inch away from mine. I can feel his musky breath against my face, I can smell his woodsy aroma, I can feel the heat radiating off of him. His hand cups my cheek and he leans forward his lips press against mine, soft, light, caring. Different to the ones I shared with Edward which were always smooth, cold, and controlled. It felt nice I felt my lips join, moving slowly like a dance between our lips. He pulls away and smiles at me before leaning back in and giving me another sweet and caring kiss. The hole in my chest filled up with heat, that didn't burn but seemed to glow, I finally start to feel whole.

We ended up sitting on the floor a lot closer now talking about Jake and his friends, how Sam had this cult and Sam was sucking everyone in getting them to join. Apparently Sam had been eyeing Jake as if to say your next. I told him that Quill and Embry would never join, especially if it meant not being able to see you. He told me that Embry had already joined and he had cut his hair and started hanging out with Sam. After a while debating on what the cult was about we gave up and it was time for me to go home to Charlie. We left the garage and I got into my truck.

"Hey, maybe we could hang out during the week?" Jake smiles "we could do homework!" He cracks up laughing at his own joke.

"Okay" I say seriously.

"I was kidding!" he pleads

"I'm not" I giggle and poke out my tongue. I close the door and start up the engine, Jake waves as I pull out of the drive way. I turn on the radio and start humming to a song I hear. But half way through the song I freeze. The searing pain I'm used to feeling has vanished in its place a nice warm fuzzy sensation. I laugh and cry at the same time, in the end it comes out as hysterical blubber. I turn up the radio and start singing. I now know that I need Jake he is my sun, He is all the light in my life

Jake POV

After Bella left last time I couldn't wait until tomorrow, I found myself constantly looking at the clock and willing it to go faster. I couldn't sleep as I was too excited to see her which of course made the night seem to drag on. But I managed to doze off around 5, but I didn't get much rest as I woke up at 6 with Billy banging around in his bedroom trying to find his fishing gear. I got up had breakfast and helped Billy into the sheriff's/Charlie's car. Then I went into the garage and decided to make a start on working with the rabbit.

I hear a bang from up the road; I can feel a huge smile cross my face. I jump up dropping the tools and running out of the garage. It's Bella! She came! I feel a huge weight lift form my shoulders. She pulls up laughing, I wonder why?

"Hey!" Jake I yell running up to her truck and opening the door "You came!"I help her out of the truck and I feel my smile get bigger as I hold her.

"Of course I did" she laughs I pull her into my body squeezing her as hard as I can "Jake... Can't... Breathe!" she manages to choke out from my hug.

"Hahaha oh right sorry bells" I put her down, though wishing I could have held onto her for a little while longer "So shall we begin" I hold out my arm in mockery of the posh guys you see on the sitcoms. She wraps her small arm around mine "we shall!" she says. We walk into the garage laughing already having good time. Bella smiles at me and I feel my heart soar, she the turn to get into the rabbit. She hops in to the seat of the rabbit so I grab the trolley and the tools I need from the floor where I dropped them and slide under the car. We talk about our weeks, about school, our friends, our age and I am still currently older than Bella.

After I while we run out of things to talk about, I think why not listen to music. I slide out from underneath the car and sit up I can feel some grease from the car dripping down my forehead so I brush it away. I stand up and lean over Bells to out on the radio but before I can turn it on she grabs my arm. I turn to look at her and she blurts out

"Um... I just want to talk with you" it's a lie of course as she always crinkles her nose slightly when she lies. I raise one eyebrow folding my arms over my broad chest.

"Bells, what is the real reason?"

I see her flinch, oh god I just brought back a bad memory from him. I try to not hurt her because she got so hurt and betrayed I just don't want to cause her any harm.

"Oh..." I whisper "It's because of him isn't it?"His I place my hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her, I hope saying it out loud doesn't hurt her to much, but it needs to be said.

"How could... you tell" she whispers. I control myself so I don't end up smiling. That would look really bad in this situation.

"Bells I notice a lot of things about you" I run my had softly across her cheek, She is so perfect; I wish she could just see how I feel for her, how deeply I care about her. She starts to cry. Oh god. She smiles at me trying to hide the pain. I brush the tears away unable to have them taunt me saying that I made her cry. But then her eyes glimmer and she looks so beautiful, then I notice a hair hanging in front of her face, I tuck it behind her ear. She looks so pretty, so gorgeous, without realising I lean forward, I get closer and closer until I can smell her strawberry shampoo. I cup her cheek and lean forward just that tiny bit more to close the gap between us. And our lips meet I feel warm and fuzzy. Her lips move with mine, in synchronisation. Her lips tasted of cherries so sweet. I pull away to take a look at her face and reaction, She blushes, and I lean in and kiss her one more time.

We sit on the floor with Bella's head resting on my chest, I feel as though I can trust her a lot more now so I tell her my concerns for the cult that ugh... Sam Uley has created, sucking the reserve boys in one by one. I saw Sam and his cult going cliff diving the other day and saw that there was another buy who had joined I had to see who this idiot was then I saw it was Embry. It felt just like a smack in the face, he too just like the other in Sam's posse had cut their long hair short and looked liked they went to the gym too often. Bella comforted me saying things in my ear, it worked I felt a lot better. But then she said she had to go and my heart thumped a bit. We left the garage hand in hand and I helped her into her truck.

"Hey, maybe we could hang out during the week?" I smile as I just had the funniest thought that I just have to share with Bells "we could do homework!" I crack up laughing as I could barely hold it in any longer. She just looks at me dead on.

"Okay" She says seriously.

"I was kidding!" I don't really want to do homework even though I am a little behind.

"I'm not "She giggles and pokes her tongue out. But then she closes the door and starts up the engine, I waves as she pull out of the drive way and I stay standing on the driveway until she is out of sight. I sigh replaying the afternoon event over in my mind.

Could my life get any more perfect? I have the girl of my dreams, a career path, my best friends and a great life what could go wrong?

Little did I know life as I knew it was at an end.

****

**Author's note:**

**Taa Daahhhhh! Finished remember to review I love to hear from you!**

**And if you are reading this and haven't reviewed know that I appreciate you reading!**

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	5. Transformation

**Authors note: **

**YAY! Fifth chapter! **

**Hehehe! This never gets old! **

**I hope you are enjoying my story!**

**XD**

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_Last chapter_

"_Hey, maybe we could hang out during the week?" I smile as I just had the funniest thought that I just have to share with Bells "we could do homework!" I crack up laughing as I could barely hold it in any longer. She just looks at me dead on._

"_Okay" She says seriously. _

"_I was kidding!" I don't really want to do homework even though I am a little behind._

"_I'm not "She giggles and pokes her tongue out. But then she closes the door and starts up the engine, I waves as she pull out of the drive way and I stay standing on the driveway until she is out of sight. I sigh replaying the afternoon event over in my mind._

_Could my life get any more perfect? I have the girl of my dreams, a career path, my best friends and a great life what could go wrong?_

_Little did I know life as I knew it was at an end._

****

Jake POV

I can't believe it so much has happened today, I was given abilities to heal, run faster, hear and see better, turn into a big fluffy dog , but I have lost the thing most important to me. My freedom.

X.10 Hours earlier.X

The sun shines through my blinds lighting the room with its gold shimmer, waking me from my slumber. I yawn my arms hit my side table, I yelp in pain and hold my hand, but surprisingly it stops hurting. Odd. I hop out of bed and make my way to the kitchen; my dad is already placed at the top of the table eating. I smile

"Morning dad!"

"Morning Jake"

I hear the swish of the door and a voice yelling down the hall "Honey I'm home!" I laugh as Quill bounds towards us.

"You know Quill, we do own a door bell" I say punching him in the shoulder, which I receive in return a noogie and a playful push.

"Let's go so we can get out of here and I can see your beautiful girlfriend, eh?" Quill teases

"SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" I Growl, what the hell I never lose my temper at Quill. I start to shake madly.

There's a commotion between dad and Quill.

"What's wrong with you Jake you know I was kidding?" Quill says his face showing the expression of both fear and confusion.

"Jacob, I think you need to cool off outside, go outside now" Dad says calmly

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM YOUR PUPPY YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST BOSS ME AROUND!" I scream my voice getting louder, what the hell I never, ever, ever yell like this at my dad! I shake even harder, this is starting to scare me. I can't calm down, or stop the shaking, my vision starts to turn red. I can see is red, my father's worried and calm face, and Quill's fearful and worried face blurring in and out of my vision. All I can hear is my own blood pumping faster and louder. In a split decision I run out the door and head to the forest.

I run faster than I ever I have before sprinting at top speed. But then a pain hits me in the chest causing me to crumple to the ground in agony. I am on my hands and knees wheezing and coughing, it feels as if something is burning inside my chest. My bones start to break I scream out in anguish. The pain is unbearable, I feel my legs snap and my back makes a violent crunch as it changes position. This is torture. My arms shatter leaving me unable to support myself I smash to the ground. My cheek hits the cold, hard earth. I can feel myself jolt around on the ground. But then in a sudden flash I am back up on my feet and the pain turns into a dull ache. What the hell. I look around the sun shining through the tree's seems somehow brighter, and I can hear a rustling coming from the bushes right next to me but then a rabbit jumps out of a bush a least 20 metres away. How odd. I look down at the ground and see paws, I yelp. What the hell! I have paws, I must've hit my head on something this cannot be happening, and this can't be real!

_Unfortunately it is..._

Where did that come from! But then I see a huge black wolf come out of the bushes in front of me, I take a defensive step back.

_Hello Jacob, as you know my name is Sam Uley. Though I do not usually look like this._

Sam? What am I? What just happened? Why do I have paws? Why is...

_I get it you have a lot of questions but let me start off with the basics, you are like me a werewolf. Well, technically we aren't really werewolves, we are shape shifters whose form is a wolf. And you just phased._

Oh...

_Okay now change back so that I can take you back to Emily's to explain this further._

Okay um...

_..._

_..._

_..._

Hey? Sam? How do I change back?

_You just need to think of calming, soothing thoughts._

The first thing that pops into my mind is Bella and the last few days that we've spent together the fun we've had in a short amount of time, as soon as I reach the part where we kissed I feel the wind on my face. I'm Normal again! I don't have a snout or four paws, I'm just me!

I look down at myself to look at my once again feet and realise that I'm butt naked, I involuntary blushed and cover myself. But then Sam appears from beside me handing me a pair of shorts.

Sam smiles at me "Come on let's go"

We walk in silence for a while but then the questions bubbling inside me get the better of me.

"How can we communicate without speaking?" I ask

" Well, it's like being a telepath, we can hear each other through our thoughts, and so if you want to hide something from us it is literally impossible"

"Oh..." I whisper I end up zoning out deep in thought, thinking about what is possible and what not because if werewolves exist who knows what else.

Before I realise we are at a small cottage home that has a delicious smell wafting out of the windows. I hear laughter and small banter coming from inside the house. As we walk up the back steps Sam turns to me

"Welcome to the pack" he swiftly opens the door and reveals a group of teenage guys from the reserve and I recognise all of them. There's Sam of course, Jared, Paul and Embry lounging around the table. They all turn to look at me they smile get up and pat me on the back to welcome me.

"Would you like a muffin?" A sweet gentle voice offers, I turn around and see who must be Emily she's beautiful except that she has claw marks down the right side of her face. I am tempted to ask but the looks from the guys tell me it is a forbidden subject. I accept graciously as I am starving! I stuff the whole thing in my mouth and chew trying to keep the muffin in my mouth.

"Oh gosh you'll fit right in!" She giggles "You're just as bad as the others" Jabbing her thumb in the guy's direction. I blush, but I can't help it.

Sam walks past me and wraps his arms around Emily's waist and places kisses on her scars finishing with a lingering kiss on her lips. I walk over to the rest of the guys and sit down.

"Hey, um..."I start but then lower my voice to a faint whisper "what happened to Emily?"

"Sam lost his temper on day and she was standing to close..." Jared murmurs

"She's also his imprint which makes him feel really guilty, but she doesn't care so they are very happy together" Embry carries on.

"Wait, what's an imprint?" I ask very confused, is it another wolf thing?

"An imprint is like finding your soul mate, you take one look at her and Bam! She becomes the centre of your world, you would do any, be anything just to make her happy" Paul finishes.

"Wow" I breathe " this is a lot to take in"

"Oh there's more" Jared says " Hey Sam tell him about the cold ones!" He shouts out to Sam who barely notices, he is too busying gazing into Emily's eyes.

"The cold ones?" I blurt out.

Sam looks at me "The werewolves have had many enemies, many have died out but there is one that still remains, the cold ones. They have cold, white marble like skin and red yes. They have super human strength and speed. And they drink blood to survive, they are vampires our mortal enemy"

My head is spinning as the pieces of the puzzle seem to place themselves together. The Cullen's! They are vampires!

"He's realised" Paul says

"But they have gold eyes" I say confused, they can't be vampires, they have different colour eyes.

"It's because they don't drink human blood, let's say they are veggie bloodsuckers" Embry butts in

"They made a treaty with our tribe over 80 years ago, that still stands to this day" Sam says "We stay off their land they stay off ours, any other Leech comes into our territory and we end them"

"We kill them?"

"We rip them piece by piece and then we burn them to get the job well done" Paul exclaims clearly pleased with killing vamps.

"Oh..." I say

"But being a part of the pack means a lot of responsibility "Sam crosses away from Emily over to the table "We patrol our land and out tribe and your brothers come before anything or anyone else"

I nod unable to speak, it was hard to imagine that in one morning you could find out that you can pouf into a big ball of fur, kill vampires, let alone find out the Cullen's are vampires. Did Bella know they were vampires? Did they tell her? The bronze haired one who played with her heart and then left her alone in the woods, ugh they make me sick. Bella dated a vampire, a dead, heartless monster and got her heart smashed to smithereens. Well I'll be the better man ill tell her and stay by her side.

"no-one else can know this secret" Sam says seeming to somehow have caught where my thoughts were heading.

"What about my dad? Bella?"

"Your dad already knows. But you cannot tell Bella" Sam says sternly

Who is he to tell what I can do?

"Who's going to stop me?" I challenge

"Jacob I hate to do this but you leave me no choice.." He trails off I look to the rest of the pack and Emily and they all look very sullen all of a sudden and Embry looks at me as if to say sorry. What is going on?

"JACOB YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO TELL BELLA OUR SECRET!" Sam bellows, I feel as though someone has put an enormous weight down on my shoulders and head dragging my body to the floor I land once again on my hands and knees gasping for breath. I look up at him with clear hatred in my eyes. I get up off my knees and make sure I bang into Sam's shoulder as I go past then I leave out the back door. I grab my hair and pull at it, what he means I can't tell Bells she's the closest person I have. I don't know what to do, so I just take off and start running home I watch as the tree's blur at bit, I realise I'm running very fast for a human as I past a big tree, I stop and punch it and the tree cracks, I assess the damage and the knuckle I swore to be broken seemed to stitch itself together. It must be a stupid wolf thing, I spit as soon as I think of Sam and how he made me do something against my will. When I found out I was a werewolf I just wanted to take a long run and feel the freedom it brings but that dream was now crushed. Sam can make me do anything and everything I don't want to do. Ugh.

I run faster than I ever have trying to blow off steam ,which in my case I would have to run to Canada to blow off this extreme anger I feel. In my anger haze I reach my little red house and go straight to the bathroom and I look at myself in the mirror , I am taken aback by what I see. I look different, not in features but in expression I look older and more solemn. I am very toned, my muscles on my arms are bigger and I now have and eight pack. But realising that being a wolf did this to me, it brings a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I grab the scissors and start hacking of my long hair, I watch as my hair falls and lands in the sink. In a short while the sink fills with my hair, when I am done I look up and I see what I have become. The thing I feared most, a monster. I walk into my room and flop onto my bed, it never did hold my large frame before but now my feet hung over the end, it is ridiculous. I close my eyes out of fatigue and find myself falling to sleep almost instantly. I guess being a wolf takes a lot of energy out of you.

I can't believe it so much has happened today, I was given abilities to heal, run faster, hear and see better, turn into a big fluffy dog , but I have probably lost the things most important to me. My freedom and Bella full trust.

****

**Authors note:**

**Naw poor Jakey... :C**

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	6. Deserted

**Authors note: **

**Yay! Sixth chapter!**

**Heheheheheh! Happy Easter! This is my little pressie to you guys!**

****

_Last chapter_

_I can't believe it so much has happened today, I was given abilities to heal, run faster, hear and see better, turn into a big fluffy dog, but I have probably lost the things most important to me. My freedom and Bella's full trust._

****

Bella POV

It's been a week and I haven't heard, seen or talked to Jake. It's not that I'm mad at him; I'm more worried than anything. I think it's because he finally realised that I was sort of using him to heal myself. I am truly the most selfish person I know. Maybe it's for the best but it doesn't help the fact that ever since I haven't hung out with him the hole in my chest has grown it felt like Jake had punched in his share of the pain. I guess it comes with knowing the two people you trusted the most abandoned you. The hole's edges are raw and rip at the sides of me; I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them as if trying to hold myself together.

Last night I had another nightmare except it was different. It started off the same, the same stumbling through the shadowy forest looking for something, the same forest dark as ever glooming with hidden secrets and terrors.

_Except this time he is there waiting, the thing I have spent all my time searching for, Edward stands there his perfect marble features the same as when I last saw them. He is as handsome as ever except his eyes are like icy glaciers, frozen and harsh. He stands there and beckons to something. Jacob walks out from behind a tree his soft hair falling around his shoulders, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest. The childish glimmer from his eyes gone, replaced by a steel look of anger. An unforgiving expression on his once perfect, boyish face. _

_They both stand there just looking for a while; tears start to form in my eyes and tremors shake my body. They both move in perfect synchronisation walking forward then stopping right in front of my face then their lips move_

"_I don't want you" _

_Their eyes unkind and unsympathetic. The woods start to spin leaving me dizzy and light headed. Then the woods is gone and replaced with me collapsed on the ground in complete darkness. I curl up into a ball and let myself weep, my arms curl around my chest as if feels as though there is nothing there anymore, Edward and Jake took it with them. I am suffering and am utterly and completely alone. _

I woke up screaming the night mare still embedded in my brain, I was covered in sweat and was shaking wildly. I ran to the bathroom before I was sick.

I shudder at the memory of my terrifying nightmare. I miss Jacob, they way he would light up a room by smiling, the way he had kissed me, the sweet yet passionate way his lips moved with mine. He was my sun, my warmth; sometimes the only thing that made me get up was the fact that I was going to see Jake. He is my healer, my own drug, sort of like Edward, Edward's smell, Edward's crooked smile everything about him drew me in. The jagged edges of the hole flare like broken glass causing me to gasp out in pain. Bringing up memories of Jake just make the hole hurt more. I wish I could go and see him but when I constantly called within the first few days I got voice mails and then Billy telling me Jake has a contagious virus I volunteered to come over and help but he flat out refused telling me to stay away. But then Charlie told me he thought he saw Jacob out with some friends. So that made me feel as if Jake hated me for using him to help myself.

Who cares what Billy says Jake is my best friend maybe even something more and I can't let him push me away not after what happened with edwa... _him_. I get my keys for the truck and start driving, the rain bashes against the windows. Soon enough the little red house comes into view and someone is walking up the drive way, and the guys is huge and muscular, jet black cropped hair and is only wearing jean cut offs. I gasp as I look at his face, it is Jacob except his face has a set steel expression, the Jacobness in him is gone, my sun is gone. My nightmare is coming true, and it scares me.

I pull up and slam the truck door.

"Jake..." he doesn't respond "JAKE! JACOB!" he still shows no response "JACOB BLACK!" he still faces with his back to me yet he has stopped walking. "Jake... what happened with your hair... "I shake my head trying to collect my thoughts. "NO that's not what I can here to talk about. Jake why aren't you calling me back, talking to me? Did I do something wrong?" His shoulders tense up "I know that you like me and I'll try harder... just give me some time... just don't leave me... I don't think I can bear it if someone I care about leaves me... not again."

His hands clench into fists "it's... not your fault... why must you always think that you've done something wrong" his voice seems to break as he speaks.

"What?" I say taken back

"I can't... ugh... I..." He struggle for words "Bella..." He doesn't use my nickname and it is in that instant I know something is wrong. My heart gives a violent throb, the rain soaks into my clothes, I know that if I cry he would not be able to tell yet, I am too shocked to even sob.

"Oh..." I whisper "I won't make you say it, you don't ... Want me" Now I manage to let out a sniffle. Jacob swivels around looks at me his expression is tortured yet pleasant at the same time.

"NO Bella it's not like that" he voice grief stricken

"Goodbye Jacob..." I then start to heave and I run to my truck and get in, start the engine and pull out of the driveway but not before seeing the anguished expression on his face.

My vision is blurry with tears; I keep driving through it though the hole is blazing with hot, blistering pain. Not the same pain as with Ed...Edward had left but different, caused just enough to torture me. I can't believe it, it's happening again two people have decided I am not good enough, too selfish and have decided I am an anchor dragging them downwards, stopping them from being up to their full potential. Edward, I have always known I was never worthy of such a god like creature, I'm not pretty enough, too fragile, baggage to be left behind. I never quite knew why he decided to stay with me he could have anyone he wants a gorgeous model, a vampire like himself. Maybe he gets a kick out of leading on insecure teenage girls and then ripping their hearts out and leaving them in self doubt for the rest of their lives.

And Jacob, I knew from that first time he made me smile that I wanted him, I needed him to make myself better, to heal. Being the selfish creature that I am, I kept visiting him giving myself a break from the constant agony of Edward's memory. I guess after a while he finally caught on and being as hurt as he is decided to a put an end to it. To make sure he wasn't being used for herself seeking reasons.

I am brought out of my thoughts by a honk. I furiously wipe my tears away and keep driving trying to focus on passing signs than the scorching throbs in my chest. I pull up to the house, Charlie's cruiser is absent from his parking space. I get out of the truck and pull open the door to the house and then I realise I am soaked to the bone; water creates a puddle around my feet. I go to the laundry and strip down to my bra and underwear. I go upstairs to the bathroom and strip down; I turn the water on and hop in the water burns as I'm freezing. I grab my razor and start shaving my legs but my hand slips and I cut the side of my leg.

"Crap! Crap! Crap!" I jump out of the shower and wrap a towel around me. I sit down on the floor and grab the plasters from my drawer, I slip it on and realised I still had my razor in my hand.

Dark thoughts filled my mind.

_Face it no one loves you enough to stay around. You were too imperfect and not good enough for Edward and you never will be! You used Jake and he hates you know and Charlie is probably sick of you, you keep him up every night, you mop all the time and you never show much compassion. Admit it you only stayed here in the first place because of Edward. If it wasn't for him you wouldn't even be here! You're alone! NO ONE will miss you if you go!_

Before my mind could think of responsible reason to not, I drew the sharp razor across my thigh. It hurt. But in a good way it distracted me from the pain but then the sight of the welling blood nearly makes me faint. I grab the hand towel and hold it to my thigh. Thank god I hadn't done it on my wrist then Charlie would have seen and he would have flipped out and grounded me for the rest of my life. I felt hysterical giggles bubble up in my throat. I fight them back because I have a suspicion that if I did I wouldn't be able to stop.

The bleeding stopped after a while; I grab a bandage and wrapped up my thigh. I slipped on my track pants so that it didn't put too much pressure on the cut. I walk to my room and curled up onto my bed.

I let my thoughts carry me away.

_Some say the world will end in fire,  
>some say in ice.<br>From what I've tasted of desire  
>I hold with those who favour fire.<br>But if it had to perish twice,  
>I think I know enough of hate,<em>

_to say that for destruction ice  
>is also great<br>and would suffice._

_I stand on solid rock; to my right I can feel the warm heat from a blazing canon bright and boiling with the heat of lava below, tree's roar as the burn in flames. Jacob stands there next to me his arms folded over his chest muscles that he has now acquired, his russet skin seems to glow, his hair cropped short and his brown eyes once kind and soft seemed to hold a fire of their own._

_To my left icy glaciers that were so cold you can see the frost rise off them. The sun twinkles on the mountains of ice, beautiful and enticing yet deadly. Edward stands on the other side of me looking perfect as always, he nearly blends into the ice because just like the glaciers he too sparkles with the sun. His eyes are frozen much like the ice, the topaz in them seem to have iced up._

_They both reach out their hands but in the same instant Jacob's body flames, he looks at me, no physical damage is happening to him but he seems to be smothered by fire, flames lick up his fingers. Edward also changes except he has frost swirling around him it seems to slither up his arms to his fingers._

_The ground beneath my feet starts to fracture much like glass. My hands go to grab both of their hands but when I reach for Jacob my hand is scorched by the heat of the flames, and when I reach for Edward my hand goes black from the coldness. The ground starts to crumble and I helplessly plummet into the crevice. Edward and Jacob stand there looking into the hole their faces unforgiving, and unconcerned. _

_The darkness consumes me._

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**Authors note:**

**TAA DAA! Happy Easter!**

**Review and have happy holidays!**

**:]**


	7. Scorched

**Authors note: **

**7****th**** chapter! WHOP DE DO DA! XD**

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_Last chapter_

_I can't... ugh... I..." He struggle for words "Bella..." He doesn't use my nickname and it is in that instant I know something is wrong. My heart gives a violent throb, the rain soaks into my clothes, I know that if I cry he would not be able to tell yet, I am too shocked to even sob. _

"_Oh..." I whisper "I won't make you say it, you don't ... Want me" Now I manage to let out a sniffle. Jacob swivels around looks at me his expression is tortured yet pleasant at the same time. _

"_NO Bella it's not like that" he voice grief stricken_

"_Goodbye Jacob..." I then start to heave and I run to my truck and get in, start the engine and pull out of the driveway but not before seeing the anguished expression on his face._

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Jake POV

"Goodbye Jacob" she whispers, she turns her back to me and runs to her truck. She turns the key starts the rickety engine and drives away before I could think of anything to say or do. I'm over whelmed, devastated and tired.

The rain pelts my skin, but I can't feel the coldness. I don't move. I look up at the dark and gloomy sky. Why can't anything go right for me? Maybe I'm supposed to be lonely for the rest of my life. The girl I have loved from the very beginning now thinks I don't love her. Or want her. Of course I love her. How could I not? She's beautiful, sweet, caring and trusting. And according to her I had just broken that trust and her heart.

"Bells..." I whisper. I stand there just watching nothing. In utter shock. She left. I broke my promise.

_I made this particular promise in the time that we spent together in my garage. She tripped over my tool box and I caught her just before she fell. Bells and I just looked at each other a signature Cheshire cat grin spread across my lips, Bells can't help but smile with me. We burst out laughing and end up lying on the floor crying and clutching our stomach's. I made a comment on her clumsiness and her face went pale as if she'd just seen a ghost. Tears pooled in her eyes. THEM! How many times must they ruin our relationship! I instantly began apologising saying I'm sorry for bringing up memories of them then a promise slipped through my lips. "I'll never hurt you! Not the way he did! And in no other way! I'll stick by your side!" I burst out. _

_She smiled and whispered to me "really? You really mean it?"_

"_Of course Bells. You know how much you mean to me" I caress her cheek._

"_It's just I've heard that before..." she trails off into an anguished face._

"_I won't ever. Ever! Do that to you" I make her look at me and lean in and bring her lips to mine. I envelop her in my love not stopping to kiss her until we need to breathe. When I pull away she looks at me and smiles , which makes me burst into the biggest Cheshire cat smile that I have ever done and I was sure reached my ears. Maybe even higher. At that moment I was on cloud nine._

Sam steps out from the shadows of my small red home. My back is turned towards him. I make no move of confronting him.

"Jacob" he starts voice dripping with remorse "it's for the best; you wouldn't want her involved with all of this. She could get hurt"

I whip around to face him, Furious I spit out "But Sam don't you see? she has already gotten hurt because of this!" I yell at him again "because I couldn't tell her! Because YOU wouldn't let me! She thinks I ... she thinks I don't want her!" Then I start to lose it a bit, my voice growing unstable and wobbly, my emotions showing. Like glass starting to crack I start to give in to the pain "ME! Of all people! All because of this stupid secret!"

Sam steps towards me carefully as if I am a wounded animal capable of lashing out in blind rage "Jacob" he says sternly.

"NO!" I Boom "You listen to me! I didn't want this! If this hadn't happen I could probably be with Bella! I could be normal! But I'm not! I'm a teenage boy who can turn into a fluffy dog when I want and has responsibilities off killing vampires!"

"Jacob calm down" Sam says almost as if an order.

"YOU did this to me! YOU destroyed my life! YOU obliterated my relationship with Bella!" I shout "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" I start to shake, vibrating quickly. Sam rushes to my side

"Jacob, I'm sorry" he mumbles "but you leave me no choice **GO AND CALM YOURSELF DOWN!" **

The weight transferred to my body crushes me down onto the ground; I hurriedly gasp my air back. I welcome the damp smell through my senses as though it's an old friend. I curse under my breath and spit on the muddy ground. I feel sick. Stupid Alpha voodoo again. I hate that shit. It muddles my brain. Bends my own strong, sense of will. More importantly I HATE SAM! I hate what he can do to me. Turn me into a weak witless puppy. I spit onto the ground near his feet.

I run into the forest out of the line of sight and I lean my back against a tree, and then slide down it so I am sitting on the wet ground. I cover my face with my hands. Why is it that when I get signs of hope and love from Bella that they get ripped away somehow? If I was a wolf all my feelings would drip away, I could choose to ignore them. All my anguish, sadness, regret and self hatred would melt away just like the rain. I chose the less painful path and I phase, I pad over to a muddy puddle and the reflection shows a russet coloured wolf with pain stricken eyes. The wind blows through my fur. My paws pace the smooth damp earth. The musky forest smell invades my nose. My sight being enhanced can see every leaf distinguished, every feature sharpened.

Yet my feelings are all still there, the thoughts of Bella seem to grow clearer and stronger still. Her name rings through my head like a tape on replay. BELLA BELLA BELLA BELLA BELLA. Argh! What is happening to me? I'm acting like a love sick puppy. I manage a feeble laugh but as a wolf it comes out as more of a manic bark. I shake everything out of my head, clearing my thoughts. I run. My brothers call out to me. I ignore them. I need space and time. I run and run and run. Not caring where my path takes me. I know Sam will be furious at me for leaving my responsibilities, but the worst he can do is give me more patrol time. I hate him! I let out a monstrous bark and push myself to full speed. The tree's blur but still remain clear are distinct. The green of the forest swallows me up. Gusts of wind blow through my fur. The terrain heads up hill. _A challenge?_ My head suggests. _Nah, easy. Piece of cake._ I reply. I propel myself up the hill in no time. The view I am presented with is breath taking trees and sunlight. Nature I've always loved it but when I became a werewolf I could truly appreciate it.

I start to run again not caring where I end up. I start thinking of Bella and how she must've felt when I didn't call her back. Or when I never went to see her. She must've felt ditched. I shiver. I truly look around to my surroundings and almost fall over. I'm in Bella back yard. I can hear her soft breathing. I can smell her strawberry shampoo. I see the tree and an idea plants itself in my mind. I phase and slip on my shorts. I tiptoe to the tree and climb it. The ledge of the window is in sight, its shut. How odd. She never shuts it. I climb up onto a branch where I have a better view. I sit on the branch and sigh; she looks so peaceful in her sleep. No worry or sadness show. She looks so innocent.

She starts to shake and quiver. I panic, what's happening! She starts to thrash about murmuring words. But I do catch two names "Jacob?...Edward?" Huh? "Heat...frost" what? "No. No. No no no no no NOOOOOOOO!" She yells. I cringe, my heart throbs but I duck waiting for Charlie to come and check whether she is being murdered I stay down for a while. I keep waiting for Charlie to burst through the door with his shotgun and growl "who's hurting my little girl!" but he doesn't. Considering this new fact this must be a normal occurrence. She's been having nightmares and she hasn't told me? Bella's sobs call out. She screams for our names. She lets out muffles snivels and sobs from under her duvet. The she goes quiet.

How long has she been having these! What is she talking about. Wait! She said Jacob and Edward. She is dreaming about me and Edward disowning her. I hang my head in shame. In my case I didn't but she seems to think so. I feel like a train wreck. Both of us helpless. What can I do to help her? But I already know the answer. I can't. I can't tell her the tribe's secret, I can't tell her I'm a werewolf. God I hate Sam! I feel as though mine and Bella's pain is one. Combined. If I suffer she suffers and if she suffers I suffer. Cheesy but true.

I jump down from my perch and land with a soft thud on the ground below. My ground shock wears away quick enough. I take one last look up at Bell's window, then I leave. Walking away from her house I shed tears knowing that she thinks that I'm as bad as that bloodsucker boyfriend she had. That Jerk up and left her in a FOREST! For god sakes. He makes me sick. Enraged I furiously wipe the tears off my face. Tears are signs of weakness. And I will not be seen a weak. I walk home not bothering to phase as I could do without my brothers talking into my head for one night. The trees at night used to scare me they used to look like they could come alive and grab you. But now they looked like they were more afraid of me. My tall frame brushing past, crushing the leaves under my feet. The moon shines through the canopy illuminating my face. I laugh, people got so much wrong.

Poor Bella getting dragged into a world where she doesn't belong. A world that can cause her severe danger. Danger I don't want her being pulled into. Why is life, my life so complicated. I don't even like being dragged into the supernatural world. I don't even want her to know about it now. Wow. How much one conversation can change your perspective.

My arms and legs droop. Tired form all the emotional and physical strain I've been through today. I can't wait to get home and feel the soft springing goodness that is my bed. I make a dash for my house and sludge into my room. I flop down on my bed and feel like goo that just lies there never moving.

I miss Bella the touch of her skin, the smell of her hair, he smile. Everything about Bella but mainly her klutziness and the way you can make her blush so easily.

The way she makes me feel.

FREE.

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**Authors note:**

**I know I say this alot but please review!**

**3 thanks**


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